if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
