So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
