I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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