Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
