haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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