Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
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