Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
