No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
