i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
