If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize