Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
