sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
