Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize