omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
