Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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