I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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