margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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