Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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