I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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