I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
