Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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