Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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