I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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