Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
