you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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