Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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