Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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