this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
