I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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