I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
