cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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