Ambien. No doubt about it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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