Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
