be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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