So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
