All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
