Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
