Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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