the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
