A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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