someone get that fucking seahorse.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
