Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
