My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
