sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
