whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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