garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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