i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst night to have a conscience
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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