Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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