so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
