that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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