my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
