for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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