I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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