he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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