U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
