no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I have post one night stand depression
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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