I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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