I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Did I show you my penis last night?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
