when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
