I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
