Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize