saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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