I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
