i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I want her autograph on my taint
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
