I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
