I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
