My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
