whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
