So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
