Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
