You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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