I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
