It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
