It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
