Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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