she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
